What if your first career is the wrong one? (Caoimhe's story)
A true story highlighting the potential risks of staying in a career, that doesn’t suit you, for too long.
Caoimhe is not her real name - I tend to use traditional Irish code-names in case studies for privacy reasons and to keep me connected with my Northern Irish childhood.
What age were you when you decided your forever career? This is one of my (Lucia‘s) daughters aged 11 - it’s hard to imagine her deciding her future at this age.
Caoimhe: The beginning…and an end
From the age of 12, I’d always wanted to be a lawyer, so I never thought to look at any other careers.
My father had a small regional legal firm where I did my training contract. Whilst it might sound easy working in a family firm, it was far from it.
I found myself thrown in at the deep end. At the age of 22, on the very first day of my training contract, I found myself in court, bringing a case against a fully-fledged barrister. It was a far cry from being molly-coddled.
After I qualified, I moved to a Top 30 regional firm, which was a big jump and rather daunting.
While I was doing my training contract I became very ill.
Doctors initially thought it was just a bad virus, but it continued for so long… I was tested for everything.
I was ultimately diagnosed with ME(CFS) - for which there was (and is still) no cure.
For over two years I continued being unwell, at one stage it kept me in bed for a whole month. The only help available, was to be placed on lots of new drug trials.
Somehow, I lurched to the end of my training contract, qualified as a lawyer, and moved to a much bigger firm.
In hindsight, it was probably too big of a leap…it really took it out of me.
I’ve always been ambitious and hard working, and I loved the subject matter. But, as my legal career progressed, there was an increasing focus on maximising time and billings. Every minute was billable and it went against the grain.
At the age of 29, after falling seriously again and undergoing endless brain, heart and lung function tests, I received a second diagnosis of ME – Chronic fatigue syndrome. I was devastated! My body had been running on adrenalin.
My GP told me in no uncertain terms that if I didn’t stop working immediately, I would be in hospital before the week was out.
I decided that was the end of my career as a solicitor.
The tricky in-between
I arranged a 6-month sabbatical. During which, I became even more seriously ill and ended up resigning. I didn’t work again for 4 years.
I’d burned out doing work that didn’t suit me.
My drive and hard-working personality had kept me going.
I pushed myself to achieve way too much, too soon, in my first career.
I used to work to live, but that way of working involved putting more pressure on myself than was the norm.
I was in my early 30s and all my friends were getting promotions, getting engaged, getting married, having kids, and none of that was possible for me. At that time, getting out of bed in the morning was all I could aim for some days.
I’d never considered any other career other than being a solicitor, ever.
But I made the decision that when I went back to work, if I could go back to work, I would definitely not be a solicitor.
I met with a coach who asked me questions to help shift my brain from searching for something I could do to pay the bills, to what I might really like to do.
That was a big mental shift.
She helped me return to an idea from years ago about helping people through divorce, without being a lawyer.
Divorce is a topic that most people don’t want to think about. As I was creating a service that didn’t exist when I started, I needed to get my message out there.
So, I got some Visaprint business cards printed and headed off to my first local networking meeting. The first person I met, when I nervously introduced myself, wouldn’t accept my business card and scoffed at my title.
That knocked my confidence. But, I battled on and met some fabulous people, who have since helped me in my business so much. It paid to persevere.
My parents divorced while I was a solicitor.
My mum was a smart women, but needed some extra support through the process. I realised I was explaining things in a way she could easily understand. I bridged the gap that her solicitor couldn’t fill. Mum told me afterwards that she wouldn’t have been able to cope if I hadn’t been by her side. I did that very naturally and it didn’t drain me.
Solicitors can only help with legal advice and that frustrated me in my previous career. During a divorce, people need help with finances, emotions, assets, children, practical considerations, and just an unbiased ear to listen. I knew, based on my experience with my mum, that I could offer that.
A New Beginning
I’d never seen myself as self-employed and couldn’t identify with being an entrepreneur.
Stability and security were a big part of my personality.
My coach actually found me my first client. She told me that I would receive a call the following day – a lady who needed help with her divorce.
I was completely unprepared.
No business card. No website. Absolutely nothing.
We spoke on the phone and agreed to meet for coffee.
She needed help with the financial disclosure information required for her divorce, but didn’t really know where to start. When I offered to come to her house and help her through it, she burst into tears and gladly accepted my offer.
I felt a sense of sheer relief that there was a way I could help people, without spending years retraining.
I felt that I still had skills that others would find helpful and felt reassurance that I still could be useful.
I learned that I had no office skills, as I’d always had a secretary.
I had to learn a great deal about myself and learn new skills that would help me to be able to do something different.
I started taking courses on how to start a new business, and began slowly to learn new skills like networking. I also did some training in coaching.
I’m not a business person…I wasn’t a business person, but I started becoming one very slowly.
I loved that I didn’t need capital to set up this business. There were no barriers.
I know I’ve done the right thing every morning. It’s lovely!
I get lots of really lovely pieces of feedback from my clients that prove to me that I’m making a positive difference to people going through a difficult time. That might sound nambie pambie, but I’m confident that I will keep doing this for a very long time.
I received the most wonderful email from one of my clients years ago that said ‘Not all superheros wear capes!’ I’ve kept it in a special place.
“Not all Superheroes wear capes” - special feedback received from a grateful client.
I’m surprised by how much I love being a business owner.
I just love the autonomy.
And the freedom to decide when, and how, I work.
I love that I built my own model in an industry that didn’t even exist when I started…and that I can do business however I feel.
Self-care wasn’t part of my journey but believe me it is now!
I’m not perfect at it, but I totally understand its importance for every aspect of life.
We just don’t prioritise it enough and it has knock-on impacts.
My mantra is ‘be kind to yourself - emotionally, physically and mentally’.
If we don’t put on our own oxygen masks first, we can’t help others.
I regret that there was no real career coaching available when I was in my teens.
Although I was fixated on being a solicitor - should have looked at other careers. Areas that might have worked with my personality and talents.
One giant takeaway
If I had to go through it again, I’d ask for help earlier.
If you liked this, you might also like:
I don’t know what I want or need, but I know I don’t want this! (Saoirse’s Story)
Designing a midlife exit plan - when all you want to do is press the EJECT button (Dara’s Story)
Two years ago, I thought I’d finally cracked it (Joanne’s story)
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