Should I stay or should I go? How to make the decision.
If you know someone who is struggling with the decision whether to continue with a job, a company or a career that they have spent 15+ years in, this article might help them.
This song (below) was running through my brain while writing and I couldn’t resist checking out the video.
I’ve got a dilemma for you
Your partner’s big birthday is approaching, and they’ve always dreamed of dining at Restaurant X.
After six months on the waiting list, a table has finally opened up—for the exact date of their birthday. You pay the hefty, non-refundable deposit for an intimate dinner with eight of their closest friends, excitedly.
But on the morning of their birthday, you’re offered two tickets to an exclusive, never-to-be-repeated concert featuring their all-time favorite band. Only 50 people will attend, and the tickets are free—but it’s happening the same night.
What do you do?
Stick with the restaurant because of that hefty deposit?
Go to the concert, lose the deposit, and give your partner a once-in-a-lifetime experience?
Shrug off the wasted time on the waitlist?
Give up the brownie points for planning the perfect dinner?
Or do you even tell your partner about the concert at all?
This is a classic case of sunk costs—a psychological trap that impacts life decisions and, often, career choices.
What are sunk costs?
Sunk costs are investments of time, money, or effort that you can’t get back.
The sunk cost fallacy is when you irrationally stick with a decision because you’ve already invested so much in it—even if it no longer makes sense.
Why do sunk costs mess with our heads?
Neuroscientists tell us that when emotions or significant investments are involved, we tend to make irrational decisions.
In low-stakes situations, we’re more likely to let go and move on.
But when it comes to things we care deeply about—like careers or relationships—sunk costs can cloud our judgement.
Real-World Examples: How sunk costs keep you stuck
You keep pursuing a management role, even though you hate leading people, just because you’ve invested years in leadership courses and painful “growth experiences.”
You cling to a declining industry, even as opportunities dry up, simply because you’ve built strong relationships and expertise over the years.
You remain loyal to an employer that no longer invests in your growth, hoping your past dedication still counts for something.
You stay on a project long past the point of value, unwilling to let go of all the hard work it took to get it started.
You resist building new relationships outside of your career field because you’ve poured so much into becoming a great lawyer, doctor, or finance director.
Sunk costs are like gifts from your past self to your present self. You need to ignore them by asking whether you actually want that gift or not?
Re-thinking sunk costs
I’d like to help you re-think sunk career costs in the way that Seth Godin helped me on this podcast.
Seth is the most thought-provoking marketing expert I’ve ever come across. He writes the only blog I read without fail and I could listen to his thoughts on just about anything on his podcast for endless hours (and often do).
Seth describes sunk costs as: “A gift from your past self to your current self.”
I can’t tell you how much I love this idea.
OK – HERE WE GO. HERE’S THE CLINCHER…
Remember the dilemma?
That hefty deposit for X restaurant for your partner’s birthday AND those free tickets to the once-in-a-lifetime, intimate concert with her favourite band – they both cost the same.
THEY ARE BOTH FREE!
Eh?
They are both free because they were both gifts from your past self to your current self.
The only decision you need to make is…do you still want the gifts?
You can’t have both - without a time machine.
So you need to make a decision which gift you want to accept based on all the information you have available at this moment in time?
The same goes for all of these examples:
Your law degree/accounting qualification/medical diploma/architectural qualifications are each a gift from your past self to your current self.
Today’s decision: Do you still want the gift?
Your investment in a company that isn’t treating you well is a gift from your past self to your current self.
Today’s decision: Do you still want the gift?
Your relationships in your declining industry/commoditising industry are a gift from your past self to your new self.
Today’s decision: Do you still want the gift?
Your investment in getting the project over the value hump is a gift from your old self to your new self.
Today’s decision: Do you still want the gift?
Your people management learning experiences, reading 100 leadership books and attendance at numerous leadership training courses are gifts from your past self to your current self.
Today’s decision: Do you still want the gifts?
Gifts from your past self to your current self...do you still want to keep them for the next tweny years?
So, what could you say instead, if you don’t want the gifts from your past self to your current self?
What if you have realised that you don’t want the gifts (law degree, accounting career, current company etc) anymore?
You could say “Thanks but no thanks” to the gift. “I’m making a different decision based on all of the information available to me today. And that gift is not going to help me get to where I want to go.”
You can be grateful for the gift AND you can still say “No thanks” to taking it with you into your future.
Then…you just need to figure out where is it that you want to go instead?
If you liked this article…you might like these
I fear I’ll be exactly the same spot in 5 years, only 5 years older (Cillian’s story)
When boring becomes unbearable (Joelyn’s story)
So many ideas, so little time - the stress of not knowing your direction (Iona’s story)
