“I was successful…but I still didn’t feel good.” (Shauna’s Story)
When I’m saying goodbye to a client, I ask them to reflect on what they learned and to share any feedback they feel would help me or help a future client.
Some do. Some don’t.
This particular client decided to write a letter that floored me.
A surprising letter from Shauna (name changed for privacy).
From a very early age, I’ve felt like a freak. You’d never have guessed because I learned the codes from my parents and other authorities - but these codes weren’t my codes.
Lucia,
First of all, I would like to thank you again for embarking me on this strong, hard and beautiful journey.
You’ve asked me to reflect on the experience of discovering my Superpowers and designing them into my work-life and real-life.
I hope this letter helps you and others who might consider working with you.
Feeling like a freak
From a very early age, I’ve felt like a freak. Someone who didn’t fit neatly into society.
I’ve learned the codes but those codes weren’t my codes. They were the codes my parents and other authorities had embedded within me.
These differences increased over time. I felt that my true personality was getting further and further from who I was.
Of course, I couldn’t analyse it this way at the time, but now I know this was the case, always feeling out of place...like a freak.
As I grew older those differences became even stronger and my choice of partners reflected this quest. If I didn’t know who I was, how could I pick someone who was right for me?
After university, I still managed to get a job. But again not like the other people on my business degree. Not one single big organisation wanted someone like me.
I was always described as “too strong-minded” or “too much”. Someone who wouldn’t “do as she’s told” or “do it the way we do it”.
Success - in their eyes, not mine
Yet, I’ve succeeded in reaching most of my goals in life - having my own company, children, a lovely house in the countryside.
I suppose from the outside, it would appear that I am successful - even if I didn’t fit into the normal codes. Yes, I guess I am.
But this feeling of bizarreness was always there.
I always felt that something was missing within me.
These differences increased with time. I felt that my true personality was getting further and further from who I was. I was always feeling out of place...like a freak.
Stuck but learning slowly
Even with multiple self-development courses and endless self-help books, I couldn’t get to the core of who I really am or how to reach this inner person.
I felt trapped in a cocoon waiting to become a beautiful butterfly. Yet, never being able to see a way out.
This feeling has been within me for many, many years.
Stage one - not a freak at all!
The first early stage of our work together was a revelation!
I wasn’t a freak after all…I am just different.
I have some natural strengths and weaknesses, like everyone else in the world.
This was just extraordinary to know.
In our very first session together, you made me understand why I could never have worked in a big organisation.
It had nothing to do with not being “good enough”.
But simply - my personality and strengths were something that big organisations typically didn’t want or need.
It made such a difference in my perception of myself and the world around me.
My light bulb moment happened when I realised that although I couldn’t work within big organisations, I could work with big organisations - by offering something that they were lacking. And something they also needed.
What you gave me at this early stage of your process was reassurance and a realisation of this potential.
I imagine that most of the people that will come to you need that. It’s likely that they will have something that truly weakened them or has been grinding them down for a long time.
You found mine without realising what a discovery it was when you said “Of course you couldn’t work for big corporations, your strengths are not what they are looking for.”
You thought that perhaps you’d been too direct - you hadn’t.
It was an absolute eye-opener for me.
You found my “freak factor” at this stage and unlocked it.
Even with multiple self-development courses and endless self-help books, I couldn’t get to the core of who I really was or how to reach this inner person.
Stage two: Phew! I’m in the right role.
After we spent the morning together in our deep-dive session and a week later you revealed my Superpowers to me. I didn’t really know what to do with them yet.
I was just so pleased to discover that I’d accidentally designed my business around my Superpowers.
The specific business I had chosen to create was irrelevant since I could be making gin, repairing vintage cars or designing nuclear waste disposal systems and it wouldn’t make much difference as long as I was using my Superpowers.
Bugger, my Superpowers have downsides?
After they started to sink in, I felt frightened, because those Superpowers were also my worst weaknesses - in the wrong situations. I now understand that these circumstances represent my personal Kryptonite.
For example:
Superpower 1: Creating a deeper connection than most, with almost anyone, from the first moment
For as long as I can remember, people have a tendency to tell me their life story - especially the tough bits, the deep, dark secret bits. It seems to help others to release their secrets but it depletes me of energy.
I never thought of it as a Superpower - I just wanted others to stop doing it to me as it was draining me to the core!
I felt frightened that the journey to change it would be really hard since it is something I’m so used to doing. It’s my familiar way of operating.
But, by just understanding this power I have and changing the way I think about this talent, I now behave differently with people while still using this Superpower.
When the conversations get heavy with new people, I choose not to get so involved as I did before. I still listen. I’m still kind.
But I don’t give away my precious energy.
Superpower 2: Seeking to understand the patterns, the connections and the why before considering the way forward
This one is the one I haven’t changed too much. I have a new appreciation of it. It’s my philosophy - why do something that already exists when you can improve it?
I’ve changed my view about how I use this talent to help others at work or elsewhere.
Just because I can see the way forward better than others, doesn’t mean I have to do the draining hard work FOR them!
I’ve realised I get as much or more satisfaction from teaching them, showing them how to do it.
Superpower 3: Actively learning what I need to learn to progress and evolve
I realised that I store a huge amount of information - for use later, sometime in the future.
This Superpower allows me to think differently from others.
It is now helping me to evolve the way I used to do things. In work and in life.
I’ll explain later on what I mean by that.
After my newfound, long-held Superpowers started to sink in, I felt frightened. Because those Superpowers were also my worst weaknesses. I needed to think more about how, when and with whom I used my Superpowers.
Superpower 4: Coming up with new ideas and better ways of doing things, then sharing them with others
I adore a problem and love finding new, often-surprising solutions and innovations.
Yet, I’d always thought I was awful at finishing things in comparison to...the rest of the world! They seem to need to finish one thing before moving on to another, in order to be productive.
Well, that doesn’t work for me at all - if I try to do that I never finish anything! But I felt guilty and different from the world. My freak problem reared its ugly head again.
So we discussed using my innovation Superpower to come up with a new idea for making me more productive.
I now decide all the activities that need to be completed by the end of the week and I now do lots of different things at once.
The minute I become bored, I switch to a new activity.
I don’t feel bad or guilty any more and I’m surprising myself by finishing everything! I’ve started doing this in life as well and it works really well.
Another thing about using this Superpower.
On the 17th March 2020, work stopped. No more emails, phone calls for nearly 2 months. Things have started to open up but major commercial movement was still a long way away.
So, I asked myself
“How can I bring some new business in by using my Superpowers?”
I felt confident in my talents to be able to generate ideas.
And I found a brilliant idea that could be done from my home office. It brought me new revenue and exciting work while I waited for the bigger projects to come back to life.
Superpower 5: Winning over anyone I choose to win over
As you know, I run my own business and I’m in charge of sales (and almost everything else!).
I put a great deal of energy and emotion into winning and it’s really worked for me in work. I see winning (and sales) as the light, fun part of my work. I see it as the game of business.
I’m going to keep using this Superpower on a daily basis at work.
And I’ve decided to point this Superpower at me and my health.
I’ve chosen to win over myself on a few challenges:
Stop smoking: I stopped smoking 19 years ago but started again 4 years ago. I felt so angry with myself for not being able to restrain myself. But today I’ve decided to WIN over myself, so I went to see a hypnotist and I’m not smoking anymore.
Get back into doing more sport: I’d signed up for my first triathlon. After a long time of not exercising, I’m back in the saddle and very motivated.
Find a new way to deal with stress: I’ve been researching ways to win over my stress and have begun to do a great deal of relaxation and breathing exercises.
My Superpowered mantra
I condensed my Superpowers into one word each so that I can have them on my office and on kitchen wall.
By keeping them visible, they’ve become my daily mantra.
My bigger vision of life - the talents and skills I want to put into every aspect of life.
Stage three: Pointing my Superpowers at my wider life
Once I changed the things that needed to be changed on the specific levels, I was able to get into the bigger picture as to how to use these Superpowers in order to allow me to have an easier life - both in work and beyond.
I started with the few things that really bugged me in the day-to-day life:
Once I had changed some of the details in work, I wanted to learn how to use these Superpowers to help me have an easier life.
THINGS I USED TO TELL MYSELF
I’m not qualified to do the job I do:
In retrospect that was the biggest problem of all, since I’m not an engineer and come from a business background, I didn’t believe that I was qualified to do my job.
By knowing my Superpowers I was able to realise that, of course, I can do the job!
In fact I have been doing it since 2007 and making a living out of it, but still I didn’t believe I was.
Using my 5 superpowers has allowed me to understand that I designed the perfect job for myself and therefore could really thrive in it.
Life hasn’t been the same since learning my Superpowers - I take pleasure in doing the tasks I hated before and do them quicker than I thought possible.
I can’t earn a lot of money / I can’t develop a big company/ I can’t develop processes that are really innovative:
Again it is about feeling qualified in what I do. I know I can do all those things by using my Superpowers, therefore nothing is impossible.
I’m badly organised
Well in fact, I plan my business trips meticulously in advance and feel confident and reassured as I’ve thought through and planned for every eventuality.
However, my office is a nightmare, I waste so much time trying to find things.
By changing my self-talk and pointing one of my Superpowers at coming up with a new way to organise everything, the task is nearly complete. I stopped putting pressure on myself to organise it perfectly, but rather organise it my way.
I should stick to a regular routine
I hate routine.
The repetition bores me and stops me being creative and reduces my freedom to do things differently.
But I realise that kids need routine time so some the home routine remains.
But for work, I’m available on the phone and plan my day to suit me best as supposed to suiting whatever I think I should be doing. Or what the world expects of me.
This real freedom means I work more productively.
I can’t do accounts
I failed the accountancy exam in my first year at university and had to retake it. The scar was very deeply stored into my subconscious.
My accountant wasn’t there during lock-down and I had to do year end accounts. I chose to win over the accounts and I did. Ssh…I actually quite enjoyed it.
I’ll never be an expert in finance - as it doesn’t interest me.
But I know enough to understand what the accountant is doing and why and to be able to discuss strategy with him.
My fifth superpower cured my insecurity about finances.
I can’t have a fulfilling relationship:
This is the trickiest one for me and the hardest of all challenges since my perception of relationships from a very early age has not been right and is not in tune with my true personality.
I haven’t found the solution to this yet but since I still need to get stronger on the other matters, I’ll leave this one another day.
Financial Results
Choosing to focus one of my Superpowers at my business has opened up a new line of revenue that has allowed me to double my business revenue for the year following our time together.
It hasn’t been a grind.
It’s been fun and exciting.
And I feel confident that no matter how the market changes in the future, I have the skills, talents and Superpowers to adapt and make the most of those changes.
Parting words…thoughts without actions don’t lead to results
I’ve definitely turned from circling around emotional problems to doing practical things to get over them. Turning emotions into actions.
For years I’ve been learning about myself and my feelings.
And trying to understand other people’s feelings and actions, not realising that I also needed to get a strong base of actions.
You also made me realise that I was using one of my Superpowers to analyse problems rather than taking practical action to begin to alleviate them.
I’ve definitely turned from circling around emotional problems to doing practical things to get over them. Turning emotions to into actions.
Thanks again Lucia for all your help.
It’s been a fantastic journey that will carry on for me as I feel that I’m becoming stronger and stronger by the day.
Shauna
ps You’re not a career coach. You’re not a life coach. You teach people to fly.
(CUE: TEARS FROM ME!)
Interested in working with me one-to-one to redesign your work-life around your Superpowers?
Shauna and I worked together on the Speedy Sherpa programme over three months.
Click here or the button below to download details of that programme including pricing.
If you liked this client story, you might also like these:
When big change isn’t possible…yet. A letter from beyond (Jarlath’s Story)
Designing a totally new career in a new country - at the same time (Pete’s Story)
