The Emotional Anatomy of a Redundancy (or any other unexpected exit from a company)
Barely a day went by in my former career as a head-hunter, without a conversation with someone who’d just been informed that they would exit their company. The company they’d invested large swathes of their life in.
This article is one of a series of articles that I wish I had access to back then.
To prove that they were not alone. That exits are now a regular element of a professional career.
This article deals with the messy emotions I witnessed midlife professionals experiencing on thousands of occasions. With new insights gained with three experienced HR professionals (Lucy, Nick and Lisa) - who have invested years of their careers trying to make these exits less painful for all involved.
Great people exit companies on a daily basis. And I can see no reason in the market why this trend won’t continue. So preparing in advance - even if we think it will never happen to us - seems like a smart plan of action.
Imagine this…
Imagine you've been in a relationship with your partner for years.
You've settled into a cosy pattern of existence that works. Last week you celebrated your anniversary with dinner at your favourite restaurant.
You spent an enjoyable evening discussing next year's holiday plans.
Then today, you arrive home from work and notice your partner looking very serious.
Before you've even had a chance to ask "What's up?" they blurt out that they no longer want to be with you.
If that's not bad enough, you discover that they've been planning this for months and they've even told all your mutual friends already. What the?!
A surprise redundancy/exit like the end of a long relationship where one party decides they'd be better off without the other. And they plan their exit before communicating their decision. Ouch.
Redundancy is like…
A surprise redundancy/exit like the end of a long relationship where one party decides they'd be better off without the other. And they plan their exit before communicating their decision.
In a world where unexpected exits from companies have become all too common, I still see too many people who are ill-prepared for the emotional rollercoaster.
This article aims to give some insight into the common emotions I witnessed during an unexpected redundancies/exit processes.
To simplify, I’ve organised the emotions into three categories - fear-based, pain-based and shame-based emotions.
Fear-based emotions
Anger, anxiety about the financial future, worry about career future and generally feeling low are just some of the emotions I saw midlife professionals in their 40s and 50s living through after they had been exited by a company unexpectedly.
A sharp, electric-shock of fear appears to set in at lightning speed - the moment the individual realises what’s happening.
Then, when the news settles and sinks in, it seeps into every possible area of life and relationship.
Anger
They can't do this to me. It's wrong. I'm going to fight this.
Anxiety about financial future
I'm the breadwinner, how will I survive financially? How will we survive? Our lifestyle have to change. How long can I last without my salary? How soon will we have to start cutting down? Sh*t! It’s X! [Christmas next month, my wife’s birthday, my son’s 18th]. How will be pay the school fees/mortgage etc.
Worry about career future
Is this the end of my career? Sh*t, I’ve not been in the job market for ages. I’ve forgotten how to do it. Why didn’t I keep networking? Is this the beginning of the end? Will I just have to accept "a job" rather than a career? I didn't expect this to happen so soon. Am I now corporate toast?
Feeling low
I'm too old for this, will I ever find quality work again? I’ll need to lover my expectations. Can I recover from this news? How can I recover? How long will it take me to recover? I just want to go to bed and not get out again for a long time. I don't know if I'm strong enough to cope with this? It takes forever to find a new job.
2. Pain-based emotions
Anxiety about the future, dented self-confidence, broken trust, worry, self-worth questioning and anger are just some of the pain-based emotions I witnessed midlife professionals in their 40s and 50s experience following an unexpected exit from a company.
Anger
They can't do this to me. Who do they think they are? They won't be able to do X without me.
Self-worth erosion
I've given them my life for x years? Is it not worth anything? How could they do this to me? I thought I mean't more to them.
Worry
Will I ever find another role that I really like? That earns as much? That has the same X [Flexibility, people, location etc]? I don't know any recruiters. Where the heck do I start?
Broken trust
I'll never trust another boss/company again. I’ll never give any job, company or boss as much of me ever again.
Dented self-confidence
I thought I was critical to success? Surely they need me? They can’t do what we/they need to do without me…I think? Was I reading the signals wrong? Maybe I’m not as good as I think I am?
Anxiety about future
Will I ever be successful again? Is it possible to get another role that will last forever? What if this happens to me again? I might never recover.
3. Shame-based emotions
Early shame, self-bashing, bashing of others, loss of dignity, imposter syndrome, self-recrimination, resignation - these are just some of the emotions I saw midlife professionals in their 40s and 50s experiencing every single day in my former career as a head-hunter.
Early shame
What will my family/neighbours/colleagues say?
Self-bashing
I feel stupid. I should have known - why didn't I see this coming? I must be really sh*t at my job. How deluded was I? I know I was paid well but I thought I was worth it. What did I do wrong? When did it go wrong? What have I done to deserve this? How long has everyone been thinking this about me? When did I become dispensable? Maybe I’m not as good as I thought?
Bashing of others
Did everyone else know? How long have they known? I knew X had it in for me.
Loss of dignity
Didn't they respect me enough to give me a head's up, rather than letting me walk into that painful meeting cold? I can’t believe X didn’t tell me. That explains why X wouldn’t look me in the eye this morning.
Imposter Syndrome
I knew this would happen one day - just not now.
Self-recrimination
Why didn't I get prepared for this when I knew, deep down, that it was a possibility? Why didn't I save more? Why didn't I return the calls of those head-hunters/recruiters instead of prioritising work?
Resignation
I'm going have to go out cap in hand looking for work. I'm going to have to apply to cold job adverts. I better update my CV. Uuughhhh. This is going to be bloody awful. I better start trawling through Linkedin job adverts now. This is going to be hard work. Do I even want to do the same kind of work? Agghh Where to I start?
But redundancy seems easy for some…doesn’t it?
On occasion, some midlife professionals breeze through redundancy or a surprise exit with very few negative thoughts or experiences.
But in my extensive experience, their situations are different from the norm.
Those situations usually involve some of the following situations:
generous payouts;
a long gardening leave period - so there’s plenty of time to design the next steps;
a life-long savings habit that produces a nest-egg can be dipped into - without the need for drastic life-style changes;
a deep and wide, up-to-date network of people who know, like and respect their valuable work - and have access to new opportunities.
at very least, a trusted relationship with a senior person in HR who gives them an unofficial heads-up before the exit conversation. So that they can prepare themselves for the onslaught of emotions.
Tighter economic environments combined with a growing litigious population mean that the above circumstances are rare.
We humans don’t like surprises.
Surprises puts us on high alert.
And make us feel vulnerable.
We cannot operate at our best as humans when we feel at risk. When we feel vulnerable.
So preparing for the emotional fall-out of surprise exits, seems like a good plan.
Exits and Redundancies - the future
Great people exit companies on a daily basis. And I can see no reason in the market why this trend won’t continue.
So preparing in advance - even if we think it will never happen to us - seems like a smart plan of action.
Reading this article is a start.
And reading the other up-comining articles in this series will help.
But there is no substitute for promoting yourself to the position of your personal Chief Career Designer - a position that no-one can ever ask you to exit.
And doing this BEFORE the emotional turmoil of a surprise exit, seems like a necessary way forward.
Your way forward
Alone, we can't control every eventuality in our careers.
Just as, alone, we can't control every eventuality in our relationships.
But when we invest in a style of career success that makes us feel valued, in market situations where our skills are unquestionably valuable, we can design our next decade to be deeply satisfying. And learn the skills that allow us to be so dynamic that we can deal comfortably with change, without the depth of emotional turmoil that can erode us.
Let’s design work that makes you feel fierce!
Book in a call with me to discuss your personal situation and see which of my programmes might suit you best.
Assess exactly where you are
Before we talk, I encourage you to take my work-life-career satisfaction assessment called Derailed! It gives you a very accurate starting point, from which some natural steps forward will become obvious. Then, we’ll discuss the less obvious, bigger impact moves that can get you back on track.
